Don't Overreact In Every Situation

Real Funny Story.. Very Very Funny.. Must Read and Share to Everyone..

  

In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly......

CEO of that factory came and asked his salary...

Man replied "5000 sir"

CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him...

"I pay people here to work and not to waste time, This is your 3 months salary.

Now get out of here. Never come back"

That guy left............

Then CEO asked workers "Who was that guy?"

Workers replied "Courier Boy Sir".. 

Moral: Don't overreact in every situation! 

Funny Interview

Funny Interview

Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left?
Applicant: That’s easy, 499

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: It’s lion’s birthday, all the animals are there except one, why?
Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion’s birthday.

Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died, Why?

Applicant: Err….I guess she drowned?

Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now.

Angry Wife Joke

Wife comes late at night & quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a Baseball bat & starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to drink water.

As she enters, she sees her husband there reading a magazine..

Husband says..”Hi Darling !! Your Parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our Bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them!”

Best Divorce Letter Ever

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me any more; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any more; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

The Married Couple and the Fairy

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, Romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful Fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.‘

The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again…

I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me..‘

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..

Psychology

A guy asked a girl in a library;

“Do you mind if I sit beside you”?

The girl answered with a loud voice; "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes,

the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, -

I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!" And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;

“I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

Hilarious Dinner With Wife

A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."

Smart And Intelligent Wife

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

Little old lady and 3 sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.”

The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I have got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

“Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”

Naughty Joke :P

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice) ‘Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.’

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘Oh’ she replies, ‘That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.’:P

Husband Wanted

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

A husband sent a text to his wife at night, he din’t get reply from wife, what he has done is…

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,

“Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty

clothes

and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I

return.”

but there is no reply…..

He sent another text,

“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my

salary

at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”

this time ,

She text back, “OMG really?”

Husband replied, :

“No I just wanted to make sure you got my first

message” 

Before and After Marriage

BEFORE MARRIAGE

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE

Read from the bottom going up

~ Unknown

Son Catches His Mother Having An Affair. You Wont Believe What Happens Next!

Its dark in here

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Its dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy ~ “I have a baseball.”

Man ~ “That’s nice.”

Boy ~ “Want to buy it?”

Man ~ “No, thanks.”

Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.”

Man ~ “OK, how much?”

Don't Copy, if you can't Paste

A famous inspirational speaker said :

" Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife. "

Audience was in shock and silence.

He added : "She was my mother"

(A big round of pause & laughter)

A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen :

" Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife "

Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker.

.

.

.

By the time he gained his senses,

he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water !!!

Moral : Don't Copy, if you can't Paste... 

Husband-Wife Humor

Wife to Husband: Come help me in garden..

Husband: What do you think I am a gardener?

Wife: Come fix the toilet faucet..

Husband: What do you think I am a plumber?

Wife: Come fix the door handle..

Husband: What do you think I am a carpenter?

(The husband went out but when he came back, He saw that everything was fixed..! The garden, toilet faucet & the door handle..)

He asked his Wife who did It?

Man and Wife in Heaven

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

"What word?" she asked.

"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."

The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

Pregnancy Humor

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him.

In the court the man’s deference was:-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read “Coming Soon- The unknown boon”

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:- “Williams stick did the trick”

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- “Dun lop Rubber would have prevented this accident”

The case was dismissed.

The judge fell off his chair laughing.

Have a Hilarious Day.

Engineer Vs Doctor

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Funny Interview

Funny Interview

Interviewer: There are 500 bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left?

Applicant: That’s easy, 499

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Interviewer: It’s lion’s birthday, all the animals are there except one, why?

Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion’s birthday.