HOW TO RELEASE ATTACHMENTS TO PAST RELATIONSHIPS

BE WILLING TO RELEASE THE ATTACHMENT

Why we hold onto baggage is different for everyone. We might use it to shield us from future hurt, we might use it to help propel us into action, we might use it to allow us to feel certain emotions and we might use it to keep us from moving forward. Any action motivated by the baggage we hold onto is not serving us.

We often want to release the baggage, when in some way it is giving us something we think we need.  We know it isn’t healthy but on some level we keep justifying it to ourselves. Letting go of the baggage is hard and doesn’t happen overnight, but we have to start with the affirmation that it is what we need to do.

JOURNAL

We should start writing down our thoughts, beliefs and the behaviors that affect our mood. Be honest and just write anything that comes to mind. Create a judgment-free zone where we are able to be real with ourselves. As we continue to write, we will start to notice patterns and triggers. Triggers that we can begin to recognize and change.

CHALLENGE THE STORY

We write our life’s story from our perspective. If the story is not contributing positively to our current reality, it is up to us to challenge it. Our story is from our point of view, as it should be. But to begin to let go of the baggage, it is helpful take a step outside of our story and write it from another perspective. Another perspective helps us to release the overwhelming emotion we feel and can help us break the hold it has on us.

FIND THE POSITIVE

Every relationship serves a purpose in our lives, even the bad ones. Our goal should be to find something positive that will help us reframe how we look at the relationship.

Maybe the relationship helped define acceptable behaviors, maybe it helped us become stronger and more resilient, maybe it helped us become more grateful for small moments. We can only begin to let go once we stop focusing on the bad and shift our focus to the silver lining, however small.

TREAT OTHERS WITH KINDNESS

It is easy to treat kind people with kindness but make it a goal to treat everyone with kindness – even those less deserving. This shifts our focus from past bad behaviors to future good ones. When we stop letting the bad behaviors of past relationships determine our future actions, we can begin to let go.

VISUALIZE YOUR OWN VERSION OF HAPPY

As we begin to separate ourselves from the baggage it is important to visualize what our happiness without it looks like.

How do we feel and act in our relationships with others. How does our time alone make us feel? How do we make decisions without the baggage as an influence?

Once we have a clear vision of what life is like without our dependence on our baggage, it is easier to make choices with that future in mind.

RELEASE EXPECTATIONS

As we begin to act independent of our baggage, it is important to move forward with expectations. It is our expectations that will keep us tied the behaviors of our past relationships. We often times have expectations, some of which are unrealistic, without even realizing it. That is why journaling is so important. You will become aware of when the baggage is creeping in. Source

10 Signs Your Partner Is Going to Cheat

HERE ARE 10 SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL CHEATER:

1. THEY’RE EMOTIONALLY DISTANT

For the victim, this is pretty easy to observe but extraordinarily difficult to accept. Emotional detachment from someone you love is like a punch to the heart. Unfortunately, this disconnection is too often a prelude to relationship deterioration. For a potential cheater, it’s easier to distance oneself emotionally from someone than to confront the real problem. It’s a cowardly act, in many ways.

2. LACK OF SEX OR INTIMACY

When two people are in love with one another, it is natural for intimacy and/or sex to take place. In the event that the other person shows no interest in either, it may be a sign of infidelity. This is especially true is no prior issues existed in this area. If nothing else, this behavior is indicative of some type of emotional or physical disconnect. Regardless, given the importance of physical connection in a relationship, a serious discussion is in order.

3. THE NEED FOR “PRIVACY”

This is not to disregard the reality that every person – in a  relationship or otherwise – requires a period of “me time,” and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. However, when the other half constantly says things like to “I need to be alone,” “Just let me be,” “I need some time to think,” etc. on an all-too-frequent basis there is almost certainly some type of problem.

4. A SUDDEN DEFENSIVE ATTITUDE

It’s normal for two people in a serious relationship to understand the differences between each other’s personalities. Flaws are generally understood and subsequently accepted. It is peculiar, then, for one half to suddenly become defensive regarding any observable shift in behavior. Rational dialogue is a necessity for any relationship; if this becomes a problem, then there’s likely some type of problem.

5. IRREGULAR FINANCIAL HABITS

Two people involved in a serious relationship understand the importance of monetary resources. Usually, any outgoing money is acknowledged and accounted for. If your partner, all of a sudden, drifts from this mutual understanding and engages in “splurges” for which they cannot account for, it may indeed be a sign of detachment at best – and infidelity, at worst.

6. BECOMING “FASHION-CONSCIOUS”

We all want to look our best for various reasons; most commonly, to look respectable and professional. However, an abrupt change in appearance without explanation is uncommon, especially for those who have shown little interest in the past. Those in a midlife crisis often cite a change in fashion as a sort of “motivation” to look younger and more presentable. Of course, the desire to appear more attractive to the opposite sex is a very real possibility.

7. THEY IGNORE YOUR “INNER CIRCLE”

One telltale sign of a cheater is a sudden disconnect from your circle of friends. It seems strange and may be a forewarning of some relationship problem. For cheaters, it is much easier and convenient to separate from those close to you than to be upfront about their true feelings. This is even more conspicuous if your other half and social circle were close at one point in time.

8. THEY GUARD THEIR PHONE/COMPUTER/ETC.

Nobody likes having their phone tampered with. In a serious relationship or marriage, however, it isn’t strange to meddle around with your partners phone. Really, it’s not that big of a deal…unless they either have something to hide, or are simply in a bad mood. If your significant other suddenly and atypically objects to what, was at one time, not an issue than it may warrant additional caution.

Related article: 10 Signs Of A Cheater To Never Ignore

9. THEY’RE ALWAYS EXCESSIVELY LATE

Anyone in a committed relationship will tell you that a schedule is paramount to making things work. This is especially true if someone is married, has kids, or other obligations for which they are responsible for. A sudden abdication of responsible behavior is strange, particularly if that person cannot account for such conduct.

10. “SOMETHING CAME UP AT WORK”

Things happen at work. Sometimes, we’re asked to go “above and beyond” in order to do our jobs. Similar to many other things on this list, context is key. If your partner cannot explain the rationale behind such requests, then something is amiss. Having to work is a common and convenient excuse because it is so commonplace. That said, your partner should be able to fill you in.