How To Recruit The Right Person For The Job

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the Bricks.

Put them in the accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..

Put them in auditing ..

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.

Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order.

Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the Bricks at each other.

Put them in operations .

If they are sleeping.

Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces.

Put them in information Technology.

If they are sitting idle.

Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.

Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.

Put them in marketing…

What Retired Husband Did

A wife insisted that her recently retired Deputy Sheriff husband accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, the wife is like most women; she loved to browse, leaving her newly retired husband, time to roam the store “unsupervised.”

She received the following letter from Target describing certain events over the past several months:

Dear Mrs. Porter,

Over the past several months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Porter are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras and eye-witnesses.

#1 June 15th:

Took 27 boxes of Rubbers and randomly put them in several elderly customer’s carts when they weren’t looking.

#2 July 2:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Polish Man Married A Canadian Girl

Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick”! 

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:

LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”

POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.

LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?”

POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.”

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?”

POLE: No, We have a carport and don’t need a grudge.

LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?”

POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.”

LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.

LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?”

POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.”

LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?”

POLE: “She going to kill me!”

LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”

POLE: “I got proof.”

LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”

POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say

“Polish Remover.”

What Would You Do If I Died?

WIFE: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?

Husband: No…

Wife- Why not? Don’t you like being married?

Husband: Of course I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Husband: Ok, ok, I’d get married again…

Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife…?

Husband: Yes, it’s a great house.

Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear .

Wife: Would you give her my Jewelry?

Installing A Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5.

And then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

What can I do?

Height Of Misunderstanding

Mr. Padro comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: “I have great news… I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby!”

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”

The next day, Mrs. Padro receives a telephone call from Gas & Energy Co. because the electricity bill has not been paid.

” Am I speaking to Mrs. Padro? ”

“Yes… speaking”

Gas & Energy Co. guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the Gas & Enrgy Co. guy.

“What are you saying? It’s in your files… HOW ???”

What A Loyal Wife

There was a C.A., who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife…

‘When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.’

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart. He died soon.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there,dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket.

The obdient wife said, ‘Wait just a moment!’

The Surrogate Father

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’

‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs.. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’

‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?’

‘Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’

The Joys Of Marriage

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

“Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. – Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t wait up.

A Night In The Bar

A NIGHT IN THE BAR:

Bartender:

Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before…

Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink

…

Bartender: What kind of Job?

Man: Well. I am a Consultant.

Bartender: Whats that?

Man: Its a logical thinker.

Bartender: Logical Think, what?

Man: Let me explain it with an Example.

Do you have a dog?

Bartender: Yes!

A lady went to store to buy a parrot

A lady went to store to buy a parrot and asked the sale’s man, “what’s so special about the parrot ?”

Sale’s man says the parrot can talk.

So the lady asks the parrot, “how do I look ?”

The parrot replied “you look like a prostitute!”

The lady got pissed off, and tells the sale’s man that it’s a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it.

Men will NEVER learn

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;

“So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

Mistress Humor

A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."

Woman Gets Home Early And Catches Her Husband Cheating. Then He Says This.

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

‘You disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!’

And Paddy (for it was he) replied, ‘Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And Paddy began – ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for y ou last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.

Parrot Humor

Once a man went to buy a parrot.....

Man: These parrots seem nice, but show me the best and healthy ones....

Shopkeeper: Sure sir, I have three best parrots.....

Soon the shopkeeper brought those 3 parrots.....

Man: How much each of them costs...??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot costs 1000$, 2nd parrot costs 2000$ and the 3rd parrot costs 5000$.

Man: That's interesting, but why so expensive....??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot can speak many languages and even knows about Windows XP.....

Man: Wow...What about the second parrot...??

Shopkeeper: Well he also knows many languages, plus he knows some things about Windows XP and Linux Operating System....

Never Lie to a Smart Wife

Man on phone: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!”

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but looking good…

The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?

He said “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn’t u pack my blue silk pyjamas?”

You’ll love the answer..!!

She says, “I did…..They’re in your fishing box”

…. Game over !!

You can’t hide the real face from a women

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

Husband: No…

Wife: Why not? Don’t you like being married?

Husband: Of course I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Husband: Ok, ok, I’d get married again…

Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife…?

Husband: Yes, it’s a great house.

A Doctor and His Postcard Idea Humor

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.’”

Men Will Be Men

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...

Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?

Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! What a choice...

Do you want her to be cool & calm like the moon?
Johnny : No, no...

Teacher: Oh so you want her to be round and white?
Johnny: No, no...

Teacher: Oh, so you want her to be fair and beautiful like the moon?
Johnny: No, no...

I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning...!!!

Men will be men ..

Funny Fight between Husband & Wife

Husband: Can I hug you?

wife: No!

Husband: I will buy you Jewelery! ...

wife: No!

Husband: I will buy you a car!

Wife: Still NO.

Husband: I will take you to world trip.

wife: Still NO.

After listening all this, their kid woke up and said, "Daddy! u can kiss me, but just buy me a

bicycle please"

After A Fight...