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The Cab Driver ...
A sweet lesson on patience.
A NYC Taxi driver wrote:
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
Smart kid gets promoted
Smart kid gets promoted:
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong… “
teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong… “
Husband Donating unused things
Husband Donating unused things
The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Doing Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.
She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”
Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”
She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”
And The Husband Began –
Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.
She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.
I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.
So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.
Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.
Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.
I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.
I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.
The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,
“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use?“
Neither logical nor legal
Neither logical nor legal
A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy, he questioned the professor & decided to make a deal with him
‘professor, do you consider yourself to know everything about the law?
He asked. ‘Absolutely, otherwise i would not be capable of standing in front of you & lecturing you on the subject’ he replied.
The student continued; if you can answer this question, I will agree with u & accept my final marks, if you cannot, you have to give me an ‘A”.
The professor laughed but agreed.
The boy continued, ‘what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The professor thought about it for hours and pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know.
The boy continued, ‘what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The professor thought about it for hours and pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know.
He gave the boy his ‘A’ the following day at lecture, the professor was still struggling with dis unknown mystery & decided to pose the question to his students: class, what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
He paused for a second in shock when all students raised their hands with a possible answer. He pointed out one student and waited:
“sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yr old woman, this is legal but not logical, your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal, your wife’s boyfriend has failed his exam & yet you have given him an ‘A’. That is neither logical nor legal”.
The professor collapsed.
The professor collapsed.
First Game of Golf
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.’
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, ‘Come on in.’
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, ‘Are you the people that broke my window?’
‘Uh…yeah! , sir. We’re sure sorry about that,’ the husband replied.
‘Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for my self.’
Wow, that’s great!’ the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, ‘I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.’
‘No problem,’ said the genie ‘You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do.. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!’
‘And now you, young lady, what do you want?’ the genie asked.
‘I’d like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,’ she said.
‘Consider it done,’ the genie said. ‘And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!’
‘And now,’ the couple asked in unison, ‘what’s your wish, genie?’
‘Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.’
The husband looked at his wife and said, ‘Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?’
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?’
You know I love you sweetheart,’ said the husband. I’d do the same for you!’
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?’
‘Why, we’re both 35,’ she responded breathlessly.
No Kidding,’ he said.
‘Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?’
Finding Happiness ~ Inspirational Touching Story..
Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar.
Your Mother is always with you
Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well, she’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you . Not time, not space…….. not even death. ~Unknown
Heart Touching Story about the Existence of God
The barber said: “Look man, I don’t believe that God exists as you say.” “Why do you say that?” asked his client. “Well, it’s so easy, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be no suffering nor pain. I can’t think of loving a God who permits all of these things.”
The Pregnant Deer ~ Inspirational Story
Pregnant Deer Scenario
Consider this scenario:
In a remote forest, a pregnant deer is about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field near by a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe.
As she moves slowly, she gets labor pain. At the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire.
Turning left she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her.....
These 20 Photographs Will Leave You Speechless. Especially The 6th One. There Are No Words.
Take a look at these 20 powerful photos that will leave you speechless. Some of these photos are of truly historic moments, while others, are quite heartbreaking.
World War II veteran from Belarus Konstantin Pronin, 86, sits on a bench as he waits for his comrades at Gorky park during Victory Day in Moscow, Russia, on Monday, May 9, 2011. Konstantin comes to this place every year.
World War II veteran from Belarus Konstantin Pronin, 86, sits on a bench as he waits for his comrades at Gorky park during Victory Day in Moscow, Russia, on Monday, May 9, 2011. Konstantin comes to this place every year.
This year he was the only person from the unit to show.
100s of galaxies seen through the Hubble Deep Field (HDF), as they were 10 billion years ago.
Keep Your Eyes Open
A lion had grown so old that he was no longer able to kill any prey for his food. So, he said to himself, “I must do something to stay my stomach otherwise I am sure to die of starvation.”
The lion thought and thought and at last an idea struck him. He decided to resort to cunning and lie in his cave pretending to be ill. Whoever came to enquire after his health was to be his prey. The old lion put his wicked plan into practice and it worked. Many of his well-wishers were killed. But evil has a very short life.
One day a fox came to visit the ailing lion. Clever as foxes are, he stood at the mouth of the cave and looked about. His sixth sense worked and he came to know the reality. So, he called out to the lion from outside and said, “How do you feel, sir ?”
“Really bad,” said the lion, “but why don’t you come in ?”
“I would love to come in, sir, if I should not see that all foot-marks point into your cave and none points out of it.”
Saying so, the fox went away to alert other animals too.
“Keep Your Eyes Open.”
If you like this story, please share it with your friends.
How to Read Your Own Palm Lines ?
Steps :
1) Choose a hand. In palmistry, it is thought that:
For females, the right hand is what you’re born with, and left is what you’ve accumulated throughout your life.
For males, it is the other way around. The left hand is what you’re born with, and the right is what you’ve accumulated throughout your life.
That being said, you can also choose whichever hand is dominant to be your present/past life hand (the non-dominant hand would then be your future life hand).
There are different schools of thought on the matter. Some say the left hand shows potential and what could be — not necessarily what will be. And a difference in the hands could mean one is or is about to take action when it comes to their lives, changing it.
2) Identify the four major lines. There may be breaks in them or they may be short, but at least three of them are there.
For males, it is the other way around. The left hand is what you’re born with, and the right is what you’ve accumulated throughout your life.
That being said, you can also choose whichever hand is dominant to be your present/past life hand (the non-dominant hand would then be your future life hand).
There are different schools of thought on the matter. Some say the left hand shows potential and what could be — not necessarily what will be. And a difference in the hands could mean one is or is about to take action when it comes to their lives, changing it.
2) Identify the four major lines. There may be breaks in them or they may be short, but at least three of them are there.
- (1) The heart line
- (2) The head line
- (3) The life line
- (4) The fate line (not everybody has this).
The Washcloth
There is not a woman alive today who won’t appreciate this one!
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the
week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to
tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.
I just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already
around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t
have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra
effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be
able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was
sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in ‘that area’
to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the
clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to
my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called
in.
Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the
table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in
Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the
doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?”
I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal … some shopping, cleaning,
cooking, etc.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called
out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, “No, I need the one that was here
by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”
Oops!
Mad Wife Disease!
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’ she replied.
Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,’ he explained.
‘Oh honey, I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have known there was a good explanation ‘
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, ‘What the hell was that for?’
She replied…
‘Your horse called.’
Doctor vs Patient
The doctor examines him and asks him -"OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club, right? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.
On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open.
I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone.
As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.
I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back."
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
There was once a guy who suffered from cancer…
There was once a guy who suffered from cancer… a cancer that can’t be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.
So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.
13 Interesting Funny Facts about Women
2) Women blink about 2 times more often than men. Interesting why?
3) A woman will trust more easily somebody who hugs her for about 15 seconds.
4) an average woman eats about 2-3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime. .
5) Women usually tie the belt of a dressing gown higher than their belly button, while men tie it lower.
6) A woman doesn’t like when her hands are free, this is why she is likely to carry with her a hand bag, gloves, book or…anything…
7) The first computer programmer was a woman. Her name is Ada Lovelace.
8) According to researches, average
woman spends about 120 hours a year looking at herself in the mirror, which is approximately 5 days a year!
9) After making love, women don’t feel like sleeping. They feel like talking and kissing.
10) While turning to the call, a woman usually just turns her head, while a man will turn his entire body. It’s because women have more flexible neck.
11) Ladies close their ears with fingers, men – with hands.
12) When you ask a woman to give you a lightener, she won’t test the speed of your reaction, she will just give it to you.
13) A woman prefers that her man reads her desires in her eyes…this is why communication between the two genders often gets complicated.
The shoe box
A man and woman had been married for more than 63 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little Old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had Cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but One day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said it will take time to heal.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was In the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls And a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. ‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me that the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that If I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’
Woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner.
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn’t loud,but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet and said in a rather stern voice, “Skippy!”.
The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, “Dammit Skippy!”
Once again the woman smiled and thought “Yes!”. A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing!
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,”Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!”
Let go of your Stresses!
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: ”How heavy is this glass of water?”
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!
MOM’S LAST LAUGH
Consumed by my loss, I didn’t notice the hardness of the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend — my mother. She finally had lost her long battle with cancer. The hurt was so intense, I found it hard to breathe at times.
Always supportive, mother clapped loudest at my school plays, held a box of tissues while listening to my first heartbreak, comforted me at my father’s death, encouraged me in college, and prayed for me my entire life.
When mother’s illness was diagnosed, my sister had a new baby and my brother had recently married his childhood sweetheart, so it fell on me, the 27-year-old middle child without entanglements, to take care of her. I counted it an honor.
“What now, Lord?” I asked sitting in church. My life stretched out before meas an empty abyss. My brother sat stoically with his face toward the cross while clutching his wife’s hand.
My mom only had one eye
My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, “EEEE, your mom only has one eye!”
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, “If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?”
My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.
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