Husband Wanted

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

A Soldier’s Story

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

“Mom and Dad, I’m coming home, but I’ve a favor to ask. I have a friend I’d like to bring home with Me.”

“Sure,” they replied, “we’d love to meet him.”

“There’s something you should know the son continued, “he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live.”

“No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.”

“Son,” said the father, “You don’t know what you’re asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can’t let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He’ll find a way to live on his own.”

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told.

15 Things Men Really Want In A Relationship

What men really want in a relationship are not superficial things in a relationship, such as the most beautiful girl with the best hourglass figure and looks, and a woman that is going to perform the best sexually. Men are looking for more complex attributes in a relationship.

1. Most times women hold back on taking the lead in a relationship, whereas men prefer his woman to take a lead occasionally. Even if he is a born leader this does not mean that, he expects to and enjoys this position all the time.

2. Men enjoy receiving respect. The other side of this is that women must win respect for the man and the man must win the respect of the woman. Very few people enjoy being belittled, being the butt of a joke or being mocked at. No one is perfect, this both the man and woman needs to be respected for who they are and both appreciates this set of values.

3. People in general enjoy the admiration for whom and what they are and have accomplished. All a man wants is the admiration of his woman in all phases of his life.

4. Men enjoy his woman to be gentle with him. He does not enjoy the fact that because he is the man of the house he needs to keep a stiff upper lip. Cuddling, hugging, reassurance of the woman’s love for him goes a long way in a relationship.

5. Men feel confident when they know their partner accepts for who they really are. Men feel secure when they know the woman understands them. It is only when the man knows he is accepted for who he is that he tries to make changes.