1. “It has nothing to do with you.”
It’s an unfortunate reality that many people who are dumped, despitebeing utterly broken up over the whole ordeal, were unwittingly the cause of things not working out. Some people just aren’t compatible, and you may happen to be the opposite of things that the person you love is looking for in life. Where they want someone who is more quiet and methodical and reserved, you may be loud and spontaneous and outgoing. And that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you — it only means that you’ll be much better suited to a different relationship. But acting as though, in every case, the breakuphappened despite the fact that the two of you were absolutely perfect for each other in every way is just absurd.
2. “You’re better off without them.”
There is no need to qualify people as being “better” or “worse” in the context of a relationship every time there is a breakup. Sure, there are going to come obvious times when someone has escaped from a situation that was hurtful or damaging, but that doesn’t meant that every time a relationship comes to an end, you are automatically better for being single. Sometimes you were very happy, and just as kind and good, when you were with someone else. Just because it ended doesn’t mean you need totrash the person you were when you were coupled up.
3. “They’ll never find someone as good as you.”
It’s a very hard thing to hear, but someone who isn’t like you may beexactly what your recent ex needs, and they may be better than you — not in some objective, ultimate way, but for your ex. There may be someone out there who does and sees things in a way that is just fundamentally easier for them, that makes more sense, and which makes them more happy. That doesn’t mean anything negative about you personally, it only means that when it comes to relationships, “good” and “bad” is about as subjective as anything can be. One person’sbrussel sprouts is another person’sred velvet cake, as they say.
4. “[The new person] is a bitch/loser/asshole.”
Especially when a breakup stems from someone finding someone else, the temptation to demonize the new person who came between the two of you is extremely high. It’s easy, and simple, and makes the whole thing fit perfectly into the narrative that worksfor you. If you can just write off the new person as being a horrible human being, there is nothing wrong with hating them, blaming them for everything, and still preserving the idealized image you have in your head of your ex. It’s never the ex, always the person who stole them away. But the truth is, sometimes we are simply happier with other people — and that’s no one’s fault. If the new person actually is an asshole, fine. But don’t slap that label on an otherwise good person just to make yourself feel better.