Engineer in hell

Engineer in hell

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.

It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.

He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?”

Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

“What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him back to me.”

“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”

God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right! And where are you going to get a lawyer?

Husband desperate to visit bar

Husband desperate to visit bar

The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, can’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

“Honey,” says he to his new bride, “I’ll be right back…”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asks the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”

“You want a beer, My Love?”

She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands of beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, including six places he’s never even heard of.

The husband is nonplussed, and all he can think to say is, “Yes, Honey Pie, but the bar you know…the frozen glass…”

He hasn’t finished the sentence before wifey interrupts him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”

She hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it burns his fingers.

“Yes, Tootsie Roll,” hubby says a bit desperately, “but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?”

She opens the oven and removes 15 different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

“But, Sweetie, Honey…at the bar…you know…the swearing, the dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?

Here…DRINK YOUR F*CKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F*CKING MUG AND EAT YOUR F*CKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A$$HOLE?!!”