10 Behaviors That Keep People From Finding Relationships That Work

Is it possible that your own behavior might be something that is keeping you from finding a relationship that works? Although you might think you are ready for love, there are some ways that we self-sabotage our own desires when it comes to relationships. Let’s look at 10 behaviors that keep you from finding a relationship that will work well for your needs.

10 BEHAVIORS THAT KEEP YOU FROM FINDING A RELATIONSHIP 

THAT WORKS

1. YOU’VE YET TO HEAL FROM THE HURT OF YOUR CHILDHOOD

Psychologists call your adult relationship style your ‘attachment style’ and they say that the way you bond with a romantic partner is based on how you learned love as a child. If your childhood years were not happy ones, it takes a lot of healing before you can find a relationship that works.

Psychologists at Texas A&M University who looked at 144 dating couples found that those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles had more negative emotions and fewer positive emotions in their relationships. The partners with secure attachment styles were the ones who had the most positive emotions and the least negative emotions during their relationships.

2. YOU APPLY THE DEAL BREAKER RULE TO EVERY DATE

Man Hands, Close Talker, and the Double Dip were all reasons that characters on the TV show Seinfeld had to dump their dates. If you give your dates deal-breaker status based on their negative behavior, that is totally unfair. Sure, we all have deal breakers that will just get under our skin so we know to avoid those types of people, but you’re not perfect either. Labeling your partner’s negative behavior while ignoring their positive traits is not giving them a fair deal. It’s possible that this is one behavior that is keeping you from finding a relationship that works. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your next partner.

3. YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH

You are looking for the never-married lawyer in his 40’s who graduated from Yale and has a mansion, convertible, and perfect abs? Looking for someone who is either out of your league or who would have no reason to find value in you as a partner is one possible reason you haven’t found a relationship that works.

4. LOVE HAS MADE YOU JADED

You are stuck in the negativity, regret, and resentment about your past relationships, which is keeping you from finding a relationship that works. Who wants to be with someone who is only focused on the negative? No one you should want to be with, that’s for sure. Try to find the lesson from these past loves, let go, grow, and open yourself up to only positives.

5. LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Low self-esteem is one possible trait that keeps you from finding a relationship that works. It’s hard to love someone else fully until you can say the same about your relationship with yourself. Let’s focus on you for a while and then look for romance.

6. YOU’RE AFRAID OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID 

FIND THE RIGHT PERSON

Fear is not uncommon for those who are single, and in this case it’s the fear of finding a relationship that works. Sometimes you fear losing your freedom, or losing the potential for another romantic partner who could be even better and who might come along when you aren’t available. Sometimes, it is a fear of success that keeps you from true love.

7. YOU’RE PURSUING SOMEONE WHO ISN’T SINGLE

Maybe he or she will leave their spouse, but in the meantime, you’re tying yourself up with someone who isn’t available, which means you are also not available to find someone who is looking for you.

8. YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP WHO YOU ARE 

TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

You should never have to sacrifice your personality for a romantic partner, so resolve to never let that happen and be ready for the possibility of a love where you can still be yourself AND be in a relationship that works.

9. YOU KEEP REPEATING THE SAME PATTERN IN RELATIONSHIPS

Similarly to your attachment style, if you are repeating old patterns of unhealthy relationship behavior, you may have some personal growth to do before you can be in a relationship that really works. Living in the past just will not work for you in a relationship. Your partner wants you to live in the here and now with them, and if you can’t let go of old, negative habits that don’t serve you, you can’t have a healthy relationship.

Researchers at the University of Rochester and the University of Georgia looked at mindfulness and relationship satisfaction and found that ‘greater practice of mindfulness on a given day predicted improved relationship happiness, stress coping efficacy, and lower relationship-specific and overall stress.’ Letting go of the past, and avoiding worrying about the future, keeps you mindful and aware of the joy that is found in each moment with your romantic partner, and that is a great way to have an emotionally healthy relationship that works well for both of you.

10. YOU FIND IT HARD TO TRUST

We get it; putting yourself out there to potentially be hurt can be emotionally scary, but you have to take a risk if you want the big payoff. It’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

In order to have a deep love, you first must have trust, because that vulnerability to being hurt is a requirement of love. Otherwise, you are just sharing a closed heart with someone, which will keep you from finding a relationship that works.

Here’s How To Read FEMALE BODY LANGUAGE Like A Champ.

Women can be hard to read and, at times, may even seem too complicated to understand. However, the problem might not be that women aren’t communicating with you, but that you just aren’t looking for communication in the right places. Even when a woman isn’t saying anything, she may still be using her face and body to tell you everything. More so than men, woman naturally use body language to communicate. Since women are sending you messages with their body language all the time, why not jump in, roll up your sleeves and learn to understand them.

Below, we’ve decoded some of the most common female body language signals for you, so you can be reading female body language with confidence in no time flat.

READING FEMALE BODY LANGUAGE: FLIRTATION AND DESIRE

Reading female body language is a great way to figure out whether a not a woman is into you. At the same time, body language can also let you know when you’re better off leaving a woman alone. Next time you’re trying to flirt or need to figure out whether a woman is hot for you, try looking at her body language for the answers.

PROXIMITY:

Noticing how close a woman is (or isn’t) to you is a simple way to determine whether or not she feels positively toward you. If she stands less than arm’s length from you, she is probably comfortable around you, and she may even be trying to get you to notice her. Also, if a woman leans in while talking with you, then she is engaged in what you are saying and is probably trying to flirt with you. Similarly, if a woman sits with her legs close to yours or with them pointing at you, she may be interested in getting to know you on a more personal level.

Furthermore, if a woman seems to be finding excuses to touch you (often on the shoulder, arm, or leg), then she is sending the signal that she likes being around you and that she wants to be close to you. On the other hand, if a woman positions herself far from you, or if she stands or sits with her body angled away from yours, then she is probably not particularly interested. Also, if grazing or touching a woman causes her to tense up, that may be her body’s way of letting you know that she is uncomfortable.

EYES:

If you catch a woman looking your way from across the room, then she is probably trying to get your attention. If she makes repeated eye contact with you, or if she seems to maintain eye contact for longer than normal, then she is paying close attention to you which is one of the body’s ways of communicating interest and flirtatious desire.

However, if a woman seems to be avoiding your gaze, or if her eyes seem unfocused and bored while you are talking to her, she probably isn’t enjoying your conversation as much as you might like.

LIPS:

Smiling is an obvious, but important way that women communicate positive feelings for someone. If a woman smiles or giggles a lot when she is around you, then you can rest assured knowing that she enjoys your presence. Moreover, if a woman draws attention to her lips by licking or biting them, then she may be trying to tell you that she’s aroused or would like to get to know you further. However, if a woman is reluctant to laugh or if her lips seems pursed or tense, then she may be anxious, unhappy, or eager to leave.

HANDS:

Playfully twisting hair, fidgeting hands, and fiddling with jewelry are all potential signs that a woman likes you. Women often get a little nervous when talking to someone they like which can cause them to move their hands more than normal. Additionally, if a woman often touches her own neck, chest, shoulders, or lips, then her body may be saying that she enjoys your presence and is interested in you. On the other hand, if a woman’s hand or arm movements seem strangely jerky or rushed, or if she runs her entire hand through her hair in an exasperated manner, then she may be trying to tell you that she’d rather be alone.

READING FEMALE BODY LANGUAGE: LYING

While there is no surefire way to tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, there are several body language signals you can look for if you are worried that a woman might be trying to deceive you.

It is difficult to remain relaxed while lying, and it’s normal for people to move around while talking when they are comfortable. So, if a woman seems unusually tense or is abnormally still, then she may be trying to hide something from you. Also, if a woman frequently moves her hands toward her mouth or covers her mouth while she speaks, then she might be lying. Lying may also cause a woman to speak at a lower volume, or to speak in an unclear manner. When people are being dishonest, they are often ashamed of being found out, so it is natural for their bodies to respond in ways that obscure their words.